Engrish & My New Computer Battery

I received a new battery for my laptop in the mail today. It's a generic IBM/ Lenovo battery, which I purchased it from a vendor called Dragon Mart in Hong Kong (Thanks, Froogle!).

The battery seems fine, and it's working well after a the first initial charge seemingly recommended by the directions:

"Connect laptop with adapter and charge it to
100%, it should be charged or discharge
completely to make that be powerful
when you use it for the fore three-times."

Engrish directions?! Excellent!

To be fair, I'd have a bit of a challenge writing directions in a language other than English; however, that doesn't make the following (detailed .jpg here) any less funny:

"The Security of the Battery
Do not make the battery be short cycle, It will be affected seriously
Do not Hit, Throw and Abuse, it will cause the corrosive appears on the battery
Do not store the battery in a Hot, wet, and Rainy room"

Just in case I am invited into a fellowship asking me to take my battery to Mordor and throw it into Mount Doom, I now know to politely decline.

"Do not throw the battery to the fire .keep it far away from the fire .
It will be exploded by this."

Last, but certainly not least, my personal favorite:

"Do not decompose, repair or Juggle the battery. it would burn, and The alkalescency liquor will cause Fire or hurt to Human. Even Death."

Potential for a juggling death by alkalescency liquor might just be too much for even me.